Spoiler: It’s not: „We need to talk.“

In every relationship- romantic or not – we will hit a point, where we have to tell the other person something, that might not feel harmonious.

We might even expect them to feel hurt by it, confused or angry.

How can we make this situation safer, without bending our truth or not speaking up at all?

A very important ingredient is to frame the conversation truthfully and properly.

What is your true intention? What is your goal? What do you want the relationship to be after the conversation?

Bad example:

„We need to talk“ (also use a serious tone of voice)

– The other person is anxious and the frontal cortex (evolved part of the brain) can’t even process information very good afterwards. It is likely, that we just threatened our counterpart into fight and flight.

Good examples:

Work:

„I really respect you as a colleague and want to work even more focused together with you. There was a something last week, that irritated me. I want to resolve that with you, so I can be in the work flow with you again. Would you be open to do that now with me?“

Friendship:

„Because our friendship is so important to me, I want to bring up something and resolve it together with you. I really appreciate you as an important and intimate friend in my life and I need to clear that up, so I can fully open my heart again for you. Would you be open to do that now with me?“

#conflict

#entfaltungsort

#mentoring

PS: Do you know anyone who might also be interested in this? Then feel free to forward this email. I would be happy if as many people as possible can use this knowledge for themselves! 🙂