As children we were often judged, condemned and shamed by our attachment figures. -Not out of bad intentions, but out of inability and not knowing better.

But what does that entail?

We didn’t have the opportunity to say: “What nonsense! Of course I’m innocent! And if you (parents) don’t understand that, I’ll look for new parents..!”

We were completely dependent.

And because we were at the mercy of our attachment figures, we preferred to believe them. The idea that someone can control us and thinks wrong things about us is simply too painful.

So it is the smaller pain -feeling “wrong” and “guilty”- than being helpless and fully conscious at the mercy of people who live parenthood in a painful way. Considering these poor choices, most of us choose “guilty” over being at the mercy of unconsious people, who hurt us.

If we can maintain the illusion that it’s up to us how we are treated, it feels at least a little less helpless.
We can convince ourselves that everything would be better… if only we were a “better boy” or a “better girl”.

What may have saved us then from losing our minds or living in constant fear is now harming us. And the protector program of “feeling guilty” will continue as long as we don’t change it.

And that’s why our inner part, that feels guilty, needs our loving and adult consciousness. Instead of affirming “I am innocent” – “I am innocent” – “I am innocent” – “I am innocent” – “I am innocent” – …While our gut feeling rebels… it is first important to ACKNOWLEDGE that we needed believe in our “guilt” to protect ourselfes in a hurtful situation. And only then an “update” is possible.

Otherwise it will only increase our inner tension instead of creating the liberating feeling of our true innocence that we may long for so much.